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00:00
Carrie has doubts about her marriage after Deacon and Kelly separate; she and Doug agree to put sex on hold until they learn to talk things out.
00:30
Doug lies to Carrie that he has to work late, but dreams that night he is on the Wheel of Fortune and the puzzle is "Doug Heffernan is a big fat liar."
01:00
Carrie enrolls Arthur in Theme Dances at the senior center but after two nights, Arthur swears hell's wrath would be better and begs Doug not to make him go.
01:30
Doug is unsatisfied with IPS and hears that FedEx drivers make double the amount he does so he tries to barter for a raise but gets fired instead.
02:00
Elaine and Jerry are nervous about the religious duties they must do when they agree to become godparents to a couple's newborn; George nabs great parking spot.
02:30
Jerry becomes smitten over a line judge at the U.S. open, but after finally getting her attention, he discovers that she is deaf; Kramer becomes a ball boy.
03:00
When they begin to gain weight, Jerry and Elaine suspect that Kramer has made a bad investment in a non-fat yogurt shop; Jerry accidentally says the "F" word.
03:30
Jerry is reluctant to dump his old barber even when he is given a really bad haircut; Newman is charged by Jerry's barber to get a sample of Jerry's hair.
04:00
After Christine's hybrid and Marly's SUV collide in the parking lot, Christine is forced to go against her principles and rent a luxury SUV.
04:30
Christine signs up Ritchie for a soccer team due to a comment that came from Mr. Harris concerning Ritchie's inability to make friends.
05:00
Richard attempts to get Ritchie's interest in his career; Christine, being a helpful sister, tries to re-ignite the relationship between Matthew and his ex.
05:30
New Christine is reaping benefits of the good boyfriend which Christine claims credit for having molded Richard into during their marriage.
06:00
With humor, optimism and special guests, host Drew Barrymore explores pop culture, human interest, lifestyle and more while celebrating every part of humanity.
06:30
With humor, optimism and special guests, host Drew Barrymore explores pop culture, human interest, lifestyle and more while celebrating every part of humanity.
07:00
Goober mistakenly leads Andy to believe he has a dinner invitation at Howard's, but it was at Helen's, and Andy is forced to eat three spaghetti dinners.
07:30
Barney contacts Andy and asks him to visit Raleigh and help solve a string of supermarket robberies that have been committed, and to help save Barney's job.
08:00
Barney's return to Mayberry goes largely unnoticed due to an unexpected visit from a glamorous Hollywood starlet with ties to Barney's distant romantic past.
08:30
One of Andy's old high school girlfriends returns to Mayberry and seeks shelter at the Taylors' house while hers is repaired, throwing Helen into a jealous fit.
09:00
The anxious doctors encounter a frustrating amount of red tape when they try to find a home for an Amer-Asian baby, who was abandoned at the 4077th.
09:30
Hawkeye is surprised by the amount of his bar tab and vows to quit drinking for a week, and Winchester tries to end his sister's engagement.
10:00
When Winchester and Colonel Potter are placed in quarantine after contracting the mumps, a new replacement surgeon is brought into the unit.
10:30
Radar tricks Henry into discharging Private Charles Lamb in order to save their Easter entree from being roasted and served in the mess tent.
11:00
A couple of bounty hunters threaten a wanted man despite his assertions of innocence, so Newly tries to prove the wanted man's innocence while Matt is away.
12:00
A man visits the local bank to apply for a loan to feed his children, but when the bank refuses he takes matters into his own hands and robs the bank.
13:00
Kitty tries to help a man deal with his cruel mother and become more involved in his daughter's life after she helps him escape from stagecoach robbers.
14:00
Matt asks for help from his old girlfriend who has information about a dangerous man who is on the loose, but his involvement with her makes Kitty jealous.
15:00
Festus is gunned down by a visiting criminal and sharpshooter, who then takes one of Festus' mules and insists on taking part in a showdown with Matt.
16:00
Barney catches Fred Plummer sweeping litter into the street and tickets him, so Plummer vows to take revenge on Barney the next time he's not in uniform.
16:30
After Opie finds a purse with $50 cash in it, Andy puts it away and tells Opie if no one claims the money within a week it's his.
17:00
When Andy goes to Raleigh for an interview, he leaves Barney in charge and Barney immediately starts searching for new deputies.
17:30
Aunt Bee begins to mull over the idea of becoming a Hollywood celebrity after attaining a lead role in Mayberry's Centennial Pageant.

Friday Night TV on TV Land

18:00
Charlene Darling chooses Opie to be her baby daughter's betrothed and he becomes an unwilling participant in the traditional ceremony.
18:30
After Helen and Andy realize they have been too busy for each other, Barney steps in and gives them the gift of a day alone together.
19:00
A surprising development occurs in the Barone family when one of them gathers everyone in order to drop a bombshell announcement on them.
19:35
While visiting Frank and Marie, Ray and Debra discover that they are being kicked out of their condo; Robert and Amy reluctantly let them move back in.
20:10
Ray worries that Debra's fight with Marie could put a stop to his plans, only to discover that anger just fuels a more enjoyable experience.
20:45
When the PTA has issues with Debra's wardrobe, Ray is given the task of explaining that her apparel is inappropriate for their meetings.
21:20
When Ally gets an F on her report card, Debra worries that she hasn't been attentive enough, but Ray believes that the teacher is to blame.
21:55
Debra and Marie pressure Ray and Frank into participating in one of Robert's therapy sessions, but the guys find trips to the track more helpful.
22:30
Thanksgiving has rolled around again, and both Debra and Ray are bracing for the worst as all of the family members and in-laws gather for a first gathering.
23:00
Deacon babysits while Kelly goes to the movies with Carrie but while there, one of Carrie's co-workers shows interest in Kelly which makes Deacon jealous.
23:30
Doug's parents ask for a visit at the airport while on layover and unbeknownst to Doug, they want him to sign their living wills and ultimately "pull the plug."
00:00
The neighbors are upset when Carrie rejects an idea of a combined back yard so they erect an aboveground pool that overlooks Carrie's back yard.
00:30
Arthur spends his time filing out comment cards; Doug is asked to find work for his wayward cousin and turns to O'Boyle to help him.
01:00
On discovering she is pregnant, Carrie starts to doubt that her and Doug are ready for parenthood; Arthur proclaims he needs his own bathroom.
01:30
Doug attempts to take all the burden away from a pregnant Carrie, but ends up stressing himself out; Arthur is irritated that his bathroom is not complete.
02:00
Jerry is frustrated when he can't get his girlfriend, who's a masseuse, to give him a massage; Elaine's new boyfriend shares the same name as a serial killer.
02:30
A Native American woman thinks Jerry is racially insensitive when he presents Elaine with a cigar-store Indian as a peace offering; George gets grounded.
03:00
George changes his religion to Latvian Orthodox to keep his girlfriend happy; Jerry becomes curious as to why his girlfriend needs fungus cream.
03:30
Elaine needs toilet paper while in a bathroom stall, but the woman next to her refuses to give her a piece; Kramer recognizes a voice from a sex line.
04:00
After Christine tries out a few new sleeping pills, she awakes to discover some embarrassing phone calls had been made in her sleep.
04:30
Richard's unbelievably attractive brother Joe stops by for a visit and has some surprising news, news that Christine discovers after she sleeps with him.
05:00
Christine shows no interest in an upcoming election, and Richard scolds her for not setting a good example as a non-voter for Ritchie.
05:30
After writing an e-mail about Ritchie's teacher, Christine realizes that she sent the letter to more than just the person it was intended for.
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