TV Guide TV Land Saturday

After begging Doug to attend the wedding of her childhood friend, Carrie finds out that Doug knows the truth about her past relationship with the groom.

The Heffernans' seemingly perfect neighbors must keep their nocturnal dog quiet or else; Arthur thinks his life was used as inspiration for Charlie Brown.

A depressed Carrie asks Doug to ignore her 30th birthday, which suits Doug just fine because he wants to watch an ultimate fighting tournament on TV.

Valentine's Day for Doug and Carrie is dinner and an empty house, but before they can celebrate, Doug goes to Spence's for his birthday and gets trapped.

Jerry and his latest girlfriend finally get alone time when they go on a date to see "Schindler's List," where Newman oversees them making out.

George panics when there is a false fire alarm at a kid's birthday party, abandoning everyone in his escape; Jerry gets revenge on a heckler.

The gang takes a trip to the Hamptons for a weekend; George is upset when he finds his girlfriend enjoys topless sunbathing; Kramer steals lobsters.

George's life turns around when he adopts a new opposite philosophy; Kramer appears on "Regis and Kathy Lee" to promote his new coffee table book.

Ritchie does a horrible job on an assignment for his snobbish school, which will be put on display, and Christine makes Richard responsible for the monstrosity.

After Barb starts working at the women's gym, which Christine owns, the two don't see eye to eye on how to run things; Matthew helps find a sitter.

After Christine's hybrid and Marly's SUV collide in the parking lot, Christine is forced to go against her principles and rent a luxury SUV.

Christine signs up Ritchie for a soccer team due to a comment that came from Mr. Harris concerning Ritchie's inability to make friends.

DJ becomes the terror of the rink after he takes up hockey; Roseanne involves herself with Fisher and Jackie to get them back together.

A snowstorm blows through the city and traps everyone inside where they currently are situated, leaving Dan and D.J. to cook dinner at the house.

Dan is called into the school by the principal after D.J. is caught with offensive reading material; Dan finds out the reason behind Jackie's mood swings.

Dan returns home to rumors about how he ended up in jail for the night, but they don't match up with what happened; Jackie picks up her things from Fisher's.

Darlene doesn't like the Lunch Box or the food they serve, but when she is caught vandalizing the restaurant, she is forced to sell their food at the fair.

Roseanne's father passes away, leaving a large impact on the lives of the women in his life when Roseanne volunteers to handle the arrangements.

Roseanne hasn't seen her cousin in 25 years, but when she visits Lanford to make amends with her, Roseanne has to think whether she should forgive her cousin.

Roseanne joins the Tildens when they announce that they are taking a road trip vacation in their Winnebago; Roseanne encourages the Tildens to go to California.

Dan and Roseanne initially refuse to let Darlene's boyfriend move into their home, but they change their minds after meeting his abusive mother.

Roseanne and Dan celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary, but they struggle with what to give one another; Dan finds out Roseanne bought him an expensive gift.

Weary of having their mother hanging around, Roseanne and Jackie encourage a relationship between Beverly and her friend from the retirement community.

Darlene agrees to go to the prom with David after she strikes a deal with Roseanne; Darlene has a surprise for her boyfriend after the prom.

The Conners are happy when it looks like the house Dan invests in is going to pay off; Roseanne and Dan fear a financial crisis when their buyer backs out.

Dan finds that he needs a steadier job after he knocks one of Roseanne's teeth out by accident; David is rejected from art school while Darlene is accepted.

Roseanne is concerned that Darlene will leave to go to school in Chicago and decides to watch her every move; Roseanne looks through Darlene's room.

Roseanne is disappointed when Darlene turns down her offer to help her move into her dorm, but their relationship is repaired by a special night of bonding.

Roseanne's honesty causes her grief when she tells Bev she's had her fill of working with her at the Lunch Box; Jackie returns to the dating game.

Roseanne seeks Darlene's help in controlling D.J. while at the same time trying to reunite her with David and plan a housewarming party for Jackie.

Dan feels horrible for having to get tough with his employees at work; Roseanne lectures David after she finds him smoking pot, only to learn that it was hers.

Jerry gets a date with a Miss America contestant, only to be foiled by Kramer, who acts as a chaperone; Elaine gets a job as Mr. Pitt's personal secretary.

George gets upset when his girlfriend is thanked for a dinner he bought; Jerry becomes obsessed when he finds that his current girlfriend once dated Newman.

In an effort to please his new girlfriend, Jerry agrees to host a pledge drive for PBS; George is convinced that a waitress keeps giving him the finger.

Jerry feels misled when his mysterious Chinese date ends up not being Chinese; Elaine ruins her friend's latest relationship with a man who likes to talk.

Jerry's new couch is ruined when Elaine upsets a man with a bladder condition; Kramer starts up his new pizza business; George joins a book club.

Jerry's excitement about dating a gymnast diminishes after bad sex; George's girlfriend catches him eating out of the trash; Kramer passes a kidney stone.

Jerry accepts an Armani suit from Kenny Bania, provided that he will treat him to a meal; Elaine dates a bouncer from England; Kramer decides to eat fresh.

George buys a convertible once owned by Jon Voight; Kramer tries to save a small shoe-repair business; Elaine wins tickets to a parade for Mr. Pitt.

George passes up hiring a beautiful secretary for an ordinary woman, in the hopes of less distraction; Jerry catches his dry cleaner wearing his clothes.

A grade school acquaintance puts pressure on Jerry to finally settle an old score in the form of a race; Elaine is blacklisted from a Chinese restaurant.

Jerry attempts an impossible switch when he finds that he likes his girlfriend's roommate more than her; George is convinced that his new girlfriend is bulimic.

Kramer discovers that Newman is being fanatically hunted by the police for hundreds of unpaid parking tickets; George's friend lies about having cancer.

Prompted by a fear of higher insurance, Doug tells Carrie to accept a date with the cop who wrote her a ticket, causing Arthur to think she's having an affair.

Doug receives a promotion to work behind a desk after his supervisor falls ill, but he finds that he would rather be out driving a truck.

Doug ditches Richie for a day of golf with Ray Barone; Ray's mom, Marie, waits at the house, showing Carrie how to clean, and Carrie takes full advantage.

Carrie is unfazed that Doug's new trainee is blonde and beautiful; the headstone Arthur bought for himself is partially engraved for him to die before 2000.

Richard attempts to get Ritchie's interest in his career; Christine, being a helpful sister, tries to re-ignite the relationship between Matthew and his ex.

New Christine is reaping benefits of the good boyfriend which Christine claims credit for having molded Richard into during their marriage.

After Christine tries out a few new sleeping pills, she awakes to discover some embarrassing phone calls had been made in her sleep.

Richard's unbelievably attractive brother Joe stops by for a visit and has some surprising news, news that Christine discovers after she sleeps with him.

Christine shows no interest in an upcoming election, and Richard scolds her for not setting a good example as a non-voter for Ritchie.

A gym owner and single mother deals with everyday emergencies with the help of her ex-husband and her candid point of view about life.

When Christine crosses the line with her controlling nature, she puts Richard's construction job in jeopardy; the time comes for Ritchie to learn about sex.

While attending the wedding of an old college friend with Barbara and Richard, Christine becomes the focus of the groom's attention, making his bride jealous.

Christine, Richard, Barb and Matthew test the boundaries of friendship when they end up in a disgusting hotel during a stay in the desert.

Christine is afraid that being reckless during an evening out could have ruined a possible relationship with Ritchie's teacher, Mr. Harris.