TV Guide TV Land Thursday

After seeing a picture of Carrie's overweight mother, Doug hints to Carrie that it's time to diet now so as not to fatten up later in life.

Since Carrie started working at a successful Manhattan law firm, Doug feels inadequate and wonders why his wife ever chose a guy like him.

Doug tries unsuccessfully to hint to Richie that his wife is cheating on him; Arthur becomes neurotic about getting a refund on a "shady" deodorant.

George changes his religion to Latvian Orthodox to keep his girlfriend happy; Jerry becomes curious as to why his girlfriend needs fungus cream.

Elaine needs toilet paper while in a bathroom stall, but the woman next to her refuses to give her a piece; Kramer recognizes a voice from a sex line.

The gang struggles to find gifts for a dinner party; Jerry and Elaine have trouble at a bakery when they lose their number; George shows off a fluffy coat.

George's lie about being a Marine Biologist lands him in hot water when a whale is in jeopardy; Kramer practices his golf swing on the beach.

Roseanne is visited by the ghosts of Halloween past, present and future after losing her holiday spirit and staying at home alone.

Roseanne and Jackie are surprised when Nancy announces that she and Marla are gay lovers; Bev decides that she will be moving into the Lanford retirement home.

The gals go to self defense class after a frightening man shows up to the new diner's grand opening; hearing that Nancy is gay, Arnie questions his manhood.

Darlene begs Roseanne to let her go see one of her favorite bands, but she becomes very skeptical when she finds out it's Molly who has the tickets.

With humor, optimism and special guests, host Drew Barrymore explores pop culture, human interest, lifestyle and more while celebrating every part of humanity.

With humor, optimism and special guests, host Drew Barrymore explores pop culture, human interest, lifestyle and more while celebrating every part of humanity.

Millie's husky and intimidating ex-boyfriend threatens Howard after being provoked, causing Howard to fear him.

Aunt Bee is summoned for jury duty and becomes the holdout juror on a trial because she is in disagreement with her fellow jury members.

Opie and his friend hatch a scheme to record a confession of a cunning bank robber, an exasperated Andy is forced to disregard the incriminating recording.

Opie becomes a member of a rock-and-roll band, but it begins to affect his schoolwork and he soon begins to receive failing grades at school.

Hawkeye and Trapper are assigned to operate on General Mitchell's son, and after a successful surgery on him, the general grants them three days in Tokyo.

Henry returns from his vacation in Tokyo and announces to the crew that he has fallen in love with a girl that he begins to show off around the camp.

Hawkeye is in serious need of some new boots and will do anything to get a pair, but he learns he has a laundry list of things to do before he can get them.

Private Baker has become desperate to get surgery on his nose, leaving Hawkeye to bring one of his friends to help perform the operation on him.

A desperate farmer plans to steal money from the Dodge City bank, which has been closed because the townspeople are gripped by a financial panic.

A contemptible man pretends to have a change of heart about the care of his young children when he is confronted by three nuns.

After an outlaw is betrayed and victimized by his own gang of violent gold thieves, he vows to exact his revenge by teaming up with Marshall Matt Dillon.

Just before he is about to retire, an alcoholic and bigoted sergeant accidentally lets an Apache war priest escape from the cavalry's custody.

While Matt is transporting an escaped prisoner back into custody, a woman joins the travelers while concealing the fact that she is the prisoner's wife.

Andy's new relationship is tested because of his insecurities after realizing he is dating out of his league with the wealthy Peggy McMillan.

Mayberry's new Mayor, Mayor Stoner, and Andy don't see eye to eye when it comes to proper management of the sheriff's department.

When Aunt Bee goes to visit Aunt Louise, Andy and Opie are left to fend for themselves, which leads to grand misunderstandings and some much needed apologies.

The mayor of Mayberry expresses that he has absolutely no faith in Andy and Barney's efforts to catch a cattle rustler, so he hires a State Investigator

After a date with Peggy McMillan that is interrupted by one of her old "friends," Barney tries to help and Andy is faced with even more problems.

Barney's courage and confidence is shattered by produce peddlers, but with Andy's assistance he discovers the tools he needs to use his proper authority.

Hurt by the revelation that his autographed baseball isn't authentic, Raymond takes out his pain by telling his daughter the truth about Santa Claus.

With Debra at home sick, Raymond must rearrange his schedule to make it to the kids' pediatrician appointment, but the kids and work don't mix well.

Raymond is upset when he learns that women find Robert more attractive and gets himself a makeover so that everyone will love him.

Debra is disturbed to learn that her car is the one in which Raymond used to make-out as a teenager, and understandably refuses to drive it.

When Ray learns that his wife's ring has a fake diamond, he tries to secretly replace it, but learns that she has already done so.

Arguments erupt over a board game after the cable goes out, and Ray discovers that his father hooked up the illegal connection.

After he wins a writing award, Debra convinces Ray to be more upbeat, but when he does so, his family accuses him of being self-centered.

To Doug's utter horror, his aunt Sheila begins to date Arthur after separating from Hank; knowing it will not work out, Doug starts to feel sorry for Arthur.

Doug takes Arthur out to a pool hall, where Arthur starts a barroom brawl. Carrie's just happy Doug invited him along and shows her appreciation in the bedroom.

A guilty-feeling Carrie and Doug end up reminiscing about the day of their proposal after a high appraisal for her engagement ring leads them to sell it.

Doug becomes the class clown when Carrie enrolls them in a college course after worrying that they are becoming stupid and boring.

Doug bumps into local celebrity Ray Barone at the DMV; To impress him, Doug helps him cheat on his driving test but gets caught and loses his license.

Arthur convinces Carrie to make a home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner; at the store, Carrie pesters another shopper for tips but her methods border on stalking.

Jerry can't believe that his girlfriend won't share a piece of pie with him; Elaine obsesses over a store mannequin that closely resembles her.

Kramer talks his stand-in friend, a little person, into getting lifts to keep his job; Jerry visits a sick friend at the hospital in need of a good laugh.

A girlfriend poses as Jerry's wife so she can get a dry cleaning discount; George attempts to use the shower at the health club as a bathroom.

Kramer makes a new deal with Jerry's father to sell beltless raincoats to a secondhand clothing shop; Elaine's latest boyfriend talks strangely.

When Barb announces that she and Pete are divorcing, Christine agrees to let her move in and tries to be supportive; Matthew is forced to move in with Richie.

A gym owner and single mother deals with everyday emergencies with the help of her ex-husband and her candid point of view about life.

Ritchie gets to go on a playdate with his fourth grade teacher Mr. Harris after Christine wins a raffle; Richard's father-son plans could spoil the fun.

Christine receives a notice from Ritchie's private school that his tuition is going to rise and decides that some expenses are going to have to be cut.