TV Guide Comedy Central Monday

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00:00
Meg and Peter go on a trip to a college for an interview; Brian must adapt to living in the wild when he winds up getting sprayed by a skunk.
00:30
Cleveland Brown strolls back into town but is immediately prohibited from spending his time with Peter after Lois and Donna wind up in a big altercation.
01:00
The boys set off on a mythical quest to return a copy of the "The Lord of the Rings" movie to their local video store, while defending it from sixth graders.
01:30
The boys are sentenced to Tolerance Camp after they complain about Mr. Garrison's scheme to use his gay lifestyle to get fired from teaching the fourth grade.
02:00
Chef's mother attempts to exorcise Kenny's spirit from Eric Cartman's body; Stan and Kyle decide to debunk the popular clairvoyant, John Edward.
02:30
A mysterious figure claiming to be Stan from the future shows up in the town of South Park to warn his child counterpart of the dangers of drugs.
03:00
Jimmy and Timmy land in the middle of a gang war; Stan, Cartman, Kenny and Kyle stay out of the way when stem cell research divides the town.
03:30
Officer Barbrady is forced to turn to an imprisoned juvenile delinquent for advice when the art teacher's house becomes covered in toiler paper.
04:00
The boys are extremely upset when they discover that "Earth" is nothing but one big intergalactic reality show that is about to come to an end.
04:30
Singer and actress Jennifer Lopez turns violent after learning Cartman's hand puppet version of her has stolen both her fame and Ben Affleck.
05:00
The boys' successful retrieval of a kidnapped doll gets the attention of a big-city police department, which assigns them to bust a crystal meth operation.
05:30
The owners of the Three Feathers Indian Casino have taken over the town of South Park, where the citizens are being forced off of their land.
06:00
Cleveland Jr. is kicked out of scouts when Rallo's prank goes too far; Cleveland takes control and threatens to send Rallo to juvenile detention.
06:24
Cleveland volunteers to go with Roberta on a college visit to his alma mater on Homecoming Weekend; Rallo helps Cleveland sleep without his stuffed animal.
06:48
When a girl at church catches Cleveland Jr.'s attention, he volunteers for a church trip; another member confronts Cleveland Jr. about his motives in attending.
07:12
Cleveland Jr. profiles his dad for a report on his favorite American, but when Cleveland falls off the toilet, he loses Cleveland Jr.'s respect.
07:36
When Cleveland's attempt to cheer Donna up on Mother's Day goes awry, Donna is reunited with her estranged mother and they form a new bond.
08:00
Butters becomes horribly wounded when Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman conspire to purchase dangerous, illegal ninja weapons at the county fair.
08:30
Cartman dresses up like a robot and moves in with Butters to learn all his secrets and use them against him; the Army believes Cartman is a secret weapon.
09:00
Cartman poses as a mentally-challenged athlete in hopes of winning $1,000 at the Special Olympics; Jimmy takes illegal steps to remain competitive.
09:35
Stan rushes to assemble a special dance squad to defend South Park's honor when a gang of kids from Orange County declares the town "got served."
10:10
Cartman and the boys have a new neighbor who really likes playing games with them, but they soon discover that his intentions may not be for the best.
10:45
Kyle and Cartman spar over their proposals when People for Ethical Treatment of Animals pressures South Park Elementary to drop the cow as its school mascot.
11:15
A secret from the gang's past comes back to haunt them when a former friend is released from a juvenile prison after taking the fall for their shenanigans.
11:50
Cartman and the boys get caught up in a ratings war when they organize a daily newscast for South Park Elementary's closed-circuit television station.
12:25
Wendy is treated like an outcast when she refuses to embrace the promiscuous lifestyle popularized by Paris Hilton; the Stotches ponder Butters' future.
13:00
The South Park police force begs Cartman to solve its most stupefying cases after a blow to the head appears to give him paranormal abilities.
13:30
The townsfolk rally behind Cartman to safeguard the town of South Park from an onslaught of unwashed hippies attending a week-long, outdoor concert.
14:00
George embarks on a hectic quest to dig his keys out of a pothole in the road; Jerry accidentally drops his girlfriend's toothbrush in the toilet.
14:30
Elaine's hatred of the movie "The English Patient" gets her fired; Kramer hires Dominicans to roll Cuban cigars; Jerry grapples with the Mandelbaum family.
15:00
George begins napping under his desk at work; Jerry's contractor takes his sweet time installing new cabinets; Elaine's boyfriend has a back problem.
15:30
George's girlfriend is big on the phrase "yada yada", allowing her to skip over dubious social anecdotes; Jerry is irked by his dentist's religious conversion.
16:00
After receiving a severance package from the Yankees, George decides to take a few months off and initiates "The Summer of George"; Kramer wins a Tony award.
16:30
Kramer takes to using butter as a skin moisturizer until he accidentally cooks himself sunbathing; Elaine and Putty return from their journey to Europe.
17:00
Michael shocks Pam and Jim when they return from their honeymoon as he reveals the name of the woman he has been dating; Dwight apologizes to Jim.
17:30
The staff plans a haunted house for local children; Michael falls into a koi pond during a business meeting; Pam and Andy try cold calling to improve sales.

Monday Night TV on Comedy Central

18:00
After much pleading, Michael finally convinces Jim and Pam to go out on a date with him and the latter's mother; Dwight performs benevolent deeds.
18:30
Michael hears troubling rumors about Dunder Mifflin and makes everyone think he has gone insane; Andy confronts his own awkwardness.
19:00
Michael gets honored on stage at the shareholder meeting, and he brings along Andy, Dwight, and Oscar; Jim has a hard time getting Ryan to do any work.
19:35
Michael comes to the realization that he can't keep a promise to a group of kids; Jim starts an employee of the month program to boost morale.
20:10
Michael is outraged after Jim lets Phyllis take the role of Santa at the office party; Jim and Dwight work to promote the holiday spirit; Oscar has a crush.
20:45
A potential buyer comes in, and Michael, Dwight, Andy and Pam attempt to impress him with their high profile contacts; Michael reminisces on memorable moments.
21:20
Michael struggles with the new policies that are put into place; Pam and Jim interview for a daycare; Andy and Erin write a welcome song.
21:55
The Sabre CEO visits Scranton, where she decides that either Michael or Jim must go back to being a salesman; Andy's Valentine's Day plans backfire.
22:30
Michael thinks he impressed the new boss but learns that someone else caught her eye; Dwight makes trouble for Jim on his first day back; Andy and Erin's date.
23:00
Contributors join the host to conduct intimate interviews and discuss current events in politics, pop culture, entertainment, sports and more.
00:00
The Griffins flee to Springfield, and they are greeted by the Simpsons; Stewie and Bart cause trouble with a slingshot; Lisa teaches Meg the saxophone.
01:00
Peter helps Joe become an author, but tensions rise as Peter begins to take total control of the book, and at the same time Brian works out excessively.
01:30
The boys' new snow-shoveling business is threatened by unemployed time travelers from the year 4035, who have arrived in present-day Colorado.
02:00
The rest of the town takes a cue from Mr. Garrison and decides to get in touch with their feminine side; Kyle hopelessly fails trying to play basketball.
02:30
The boys decide to make a living by running a talent agency, but problems arise when they lose their one and only client to a competitor.
03:00
Kenny becomes the center of media attention after medical science threatens to prevent his soul from leading Heaven's defense against Satan's overwhelming army.
03:30
The boys are worried that their summer might be ruined so they aim to lose one game to get disqualified from the state championships.
04:00
Butters begins to fear he will be placed in a mental institution after telling people he talks to the ghost of the recently-deceased Eric Cartman.
04:30
Jimmy begins to seek advice from a number of sources when he fears that an unwanted arousal may hinder his performance in the upcoming talent show.
05:00
The boys fake Butters' death and reintroduce him to the girls as Marjorine so he can infiltrate a slumber party and learn about a fortune-telling device.
05:30
Stan's father decides to visit a bleeding statue of the Virgin Mary, where he waits and hopes for a miraculous cure for his alcohol problem.
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