TV Guide Comedy Central Thursday

Peter retells the story of the Nativity in his own words with family members playing the roles of the main characters involved in the plotline.

Cartman dresses up like a robot and moves in with Butters to learn all his secrets and use them against him; the Army believes Cartman is a secret weapon.

Cartman poses as a mentally-challenged athlete in hopes of winning $1,000 at the Special Olympics; Jimmy takes illegal steps to remain competitive.

Stan rushes to assemble a special dance squad to defend South Park's honor when a gang of kids from Orange County declares the town "got served."

The boys' new snow-shoveling business is threatened by unemployed time travelers from the year 4035, who have arrived in present-day Colorado.

Cartman and the boys have a new neighbor who really likes playing games with them, but they soon discover that his intentions may not be for the best.

Kyle and Cartman spar over their proposals when People for Ethical Treatment of Animals pressures South Park Elementary to drop the cow as its school mascot.

A secret from the gang's past comes back to haunt them when a former friend is released from a juvenile prison after taking the fall for their shenanigans.

Cartman and the boys get caught up in a ratings war when they organize a daily newscast for South Park Elementary's closed-circuit television station.

Wendy is treated like an outcast when she refuses to embrace the promiscuous lifestyle popularized by Paris Hilton; the Stotches ponder Butters' future.

When Rallo is mocked after having to cut his afro off due to lice, Junior takes him under his wing; Freight Train and Cookie leave Cleveland to house sit.

When Freight Train surprisingly invites Cleveland to join him at a lowrider convention, Dr. Fist warns Cleveland that it may be a sign of dementia.

Cleveland and Donna find themselves completely overwhelmed by their children's hectic schedules as Cleveland Jr. takes up pole-dancing.

Cleveland heads west with his son, and during a stop in his hometown, he runs into his old crush, who he is still in love with, and he stays with her.

The parents grow concerned when they discover that Big Gay Al is the new scoutmaster; Timmy's popularity wanes after the kids make a new friend.

In the grand tradition of Wham UK, popular Canadian superstars Terrance and Phillip decide to break up because of creative differences between them.

Eric Cartman inherits one million dollars, and with his newfound profits, spoils himself in a lifelong dream, in which he buys his own amusement park.

Because of Stan's behavior, the children of South Park are forced to endure sex education from the unlikely duo of Mr. Mackey and Ms. Choksondik.

The government suddenly seizes the boys' new video game system when they encounter Towelie, a genetically engineered towel that gets power from drugs.

Cartman and the boys find themselves being held captive by Osama Bin Laden while trying to return a goat to a group of impoverished Afghani children.

Cartman loses his sense of humor after pulling the ultimate prank with Kenny's cheeky school photo; Butters is grounded for his unacceptable behavior.

Mr. Garrison gets sick of the airline industry's long lines and constantly delayed flights, so he decides to build his own transportation device.

An influx of wealthy African-Americans worries the middle-class citizens of the town; Token moves into the zoo after being shunned by both rich and poor kids.

Cartman pleads with United States Congress to make his potentially life-saving stem-cell research legal, as Kenny struggles through a terminal illness.

A marital dispute between Butters' parents leads them to try and rid themselves of Butters and to create a support group for notable murder suspects.

The boys sign Butters up for a talk show in order to get a prize, but when they learn that it can't be shared, Cartman takes matters into his own hands.

Jerry is forced to watch an unruly dog for a fellow airline passenger who is sick in a Chicago hospital; Kramer tries breaking up with his girlfriend.

The library asks Jerry about a book he checked out in 1971 and never returned, so Jerry looks up an old girlfriend for his defense against a library cop.

Jerry and the gang separate to try and locate Kramer's lost car in a huge shopping mall parking garage; Jerry gets busted for urinating in public.

Jerry tries helping the owner of a small restaurant attract customers by giving him a suggestion; George has Elaine take an I.Q. test in his place.

While listening to a tape of his previous night's show, Jerry hears the voice of a mysterious woman who talks extremely dirty into his tape recorder.

Jerry's brain and penis play chess against one another to decide whether he should keep dating a vacuous model; George is dating a big-nosed woman.

Michael goes on a speaking tour to explain Scranton's relative success; Dwight and Jim forget a birthday; Andy falls for someone he should not.

Michael and Pam continue their tour of the branches; Dwight and Jim struggle with party planning with a grumpy staff; Angela's new cat causes a stir.

Michael's latest scheme throws the office into chaos when he decides to put special tickets in packages of paper that can be redeemed for discounts.

Michael's plans for his 15th anniversary party are squashed by a new, no-nonsense Vice President; Jim's prank on Dwight has some unexpected results.

Michael's relationship with the new vice president gets tense as his goofing off escalates; Pam deals with a new copier; Kelly develops a crush.

After making a bad first impression, Jim finds himself facing off with the new boss in a soccer game; Michael is afraid to face the workday.

Michael and his coworkers celebrate their new office space by putting together a pancake luncheon in the parking lot; Dwight and Andy compete for another woman.

Dwight's loyalty to Michael is tested when he finds a personal hero in Charles; Andy attempts to provide for all of Jim's emotional needs.

Michael's new company struggles to make early morning deliveries; the office tries to get their expense reports in on time when Angela enforces the policy.

Michael mediates a dispute that could tear apart his new sales team; several employees take "casual" Fridays too loosely, ruining it for others.

Michael brings coffee and dancing to the office after getting into the cafe-disco scene; Pam and Jim decide to take a secret trip.

Ronny Chieng speaks with Lee Sun Jin, creator, EP, writer and director of "Beef."

Convinced a restaurant placemat is really a treasure map, Peter causes the citizens of Quahog to turn against each other while everyone goes on a hunt.

After finding a twin sprouting from his neck and amputating it out of jealousy, Peter begins to realize he needs his twin's help when he gets in trouble.

Peter, Joe and Quagmire's dad search the underbelly of Quahog in a hunt to find Quagmire after he is abducted by a sexually insatiable woman.

A frantic Meg does everything in her power to save herself after spilling her lunch all over a new kid called "Mental Mike," who threatens to end her.

The South Park police force begs Cartman to solve its most stupefying cases after a blow to the head appears to give him paranormal abilities.

The rest of the town takes a cue from Mr. Garrison and decides to get in touch with their feminine side; Kyle hopelessly fails trying to play basketball.

The townsfolk rally behind Cartman to safeguard the town of South Park from an onslaught of unwashed hippies attending a week-long, outdoor concert.

The boys decide to make a living by running a talent agency, but problems arise when they lose their one and only client to a competitor.

Kenny becomes the center of media attention after medical science threatens to prevent his soul from leading Heaven's defense against Satan's overwhelming army.

The boys are worried that their summer might be ruined so they aim to lose one game to get disqualified from the state championships.

Butters begins to fear he will be placed in a mental institution after telling people he talks to the ghost of the recently-deceased Eric Cartman.

Jimmy begins to seek advice from a number of sources when he fears that an unwanted arousal may hinder his performance in the upcoming talent show.

The boys fake Butters' death and reintroduce him to the girls as Marjorine so he can infiltrate a slumber party and learn about a fortune-telling device.