TV Guide Comedy Central Thursday

Meg is instantly seen as the hottest employee at her new job; Cleveland becomes a therapist and helps Peter and Lois with their relationship, frustrating Peter.

Peter ends up a town hero when he discovers a missing boy; Joe quits his job and goes on a road trip with Peter, Quagmire and Cleveland to Niagra Falls.

Brian becomes more well-behaved after going through obedience school, but Peter misses his lively behavior and wants the old Brian back; Chris feels used.

Stan and his family spend his birthday at the Denver Aquarium where they plan to swim with the dolphins, but the Japanese show up and ruin everything.

When noisy bikers suddenly show up in South Park, the boys refuse to let them ruin the weekend, so they throw down the F word and fight back.

Cartman is chosen to do morning announcements at school and becomes the new voice of change by targeting student body president Wendy Testaburger.

When Stan's dad takes the boys to a local water park, the fun-filled day turns into a deadly disaster as shocking events begin to signal the end of the world.

When wealthy, successful men start having intercourse with many women, the boys from South Park discover they have the same sexual addiction.

After given permission to read a controversial book at school, Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny are inspired to write a contentious novel of their own.

Cartman's favorite fried chicken restaurant is closed down and replaced by a store that sells medicinal marijuana to people with a physician's reference.

Kyle accidentally becomes friends with the wrong person on Facebook, so Cartman and the boys completely desert him and leave him with no friends.

Jimmy and Timmy head off to summer camp with all their handicapable friends, where they work hard to become champions of an annual competition.

Despite his doubts about making it to the top, Cartman becomes determined to do whatever it takes to race in the NASCAR circuit, with Butters as his pit boss.

New Jersey begins to take over the country one state at a time, but when the Jerseyites seek to conquer South Park, Randy and the boys take a stand.

Stan and Mr. Mackey deal with their hoarding addictions, which allows Stan to see what it was like for Mr. Mackey in the fourth grade at South Park Elementary.

Stan gets left behind when Randy becomes overly obsessed with the Food Network, which leads Sharon to run away with a new interest of her own.

Kyle finds himself trapped as an unwilling participant in a grotesque new technological innovation developed by Apple founder Steve Jobs.

South Park Elementary's Special Education department decides to begin an annual comedy award ceremony, and Jimmy is given the opportunity to serve as host.

When the Prince of Canada decides to take a bride, baby Ike becomes obsessed with his native country's Royal Wedding along with the rest of Canada.

Cartman becomes outraged when the school reveals the penis sizes of all the children at South Park Elementary on a bulletin board.

Cartman starts a new business in South Park called "The Crack Baby Athletic Association," and he invites Kyle to get in the company on the ground floor.

Butters discovers that he has been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder; a psychologist attempts to help Butters figure out what is happening to him.

Stan finds himself acting differently after celebrating his 10th birthday, but his new attitude begins to upset the rest of the boys.

After discovering that he is afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome, Cartman develops a unique way of coping with his ailment that even Kyle and Kenny accept.

After deciding to join the U.S. Border Patrol, Cartman soon begins to realize that he possesses a skill for stopping illegal aliens from entering into America.

The students of South Park Elementary learn that someone has hacked into their phones and emails and is now posting their private information online.

Randy becomes enamored with musical theatre and decides to take Sharon on a trip to New York in order to catch every show that Broadway has to offer.

The kids at South Park Elementary all gang up on Cartman after they are punished due to the fact that he has thrown off the school's physical fitness curve.

Jerry must decide between keeping his girlfriend and the funny voice he created to mock her; Kramer hires an intern to help him with menial tasks.

Jerry is transfused with Kramer's blood after a mishap in the kitchen; George forms an unhealthy connection between food and sex; Elaine fails to babysit well.

Tired of the endless junk mail, Kramer hatches a plan to stop receiving his mail; Elaine dates a new guy that turns out to be an actor from an old commercial.

After finding old pieces from the set of the "Merv Griffin Show" in a dumpster, Kramer transforms his place into a talk show; Elaine does battle with a co-worke

Dissatisfied with the quality of the meat in his sandwiches, Kramer gets a meat slicer; Jerry develops a skin condition and blames his new doctor girlfriend.

Elaine and the gang head to India to attend a wedding; Jerry betrays George by sleeping with his prospective girlfriend; Kramer grapples with a malignant wish.

Pam's contractions start but she and Jim are determined to wait it out so that they can have more time together, and the rest of the office tries distractions.

Michael waits anxiously for the birth of Pam and Jim's child; back at the office, Erin makes Andy feel jealous after having lunch with a coworker.

The sales people go overboard after letting Sabre's new policy go to their heads, so Michael hides their new leads in an effort to reign them in.

Michael gets kicked out of a bar while trying to impress a friend of Jim and Pam's; Andy and Erin try to keep their relationships under wraps.

Andy wants Erin to have a memorable Secretary's Day, but her lunch with Michael threatens it; Oscar circulates a viral video mocking Kevin.

Pam and Jim work on a pitch to a restaurant manager; Michael can't read body language; Dwight encourages Kelly to try out for a training position.

Michael becomes suspicious of his girlfriend and thinks she is cheating on him, so Dwight investigates; Andy is frustrated when his complaint is ignored.

Michael reacts well to learning bad news; Pam and Jim have issues staying awake while at the office; Angela confronts Dwight over their contract.

Michael goes on the hunt for the person who leaked a story about faulty printers to the press, and everyone is convinced it was Andy.

Michael refuses to fire the new office assistant despite getting complaints; Andy plays it cool when Erin is interested in someone else; Pam pulls a prank.

The executives at corporate send Michael to counseling; Dwight vows revenge on the local mall after being snubbed; Pam wants to change her title.

Contributors join the host to conduct intimate interviews and discuss current events in politics, pop culture, entertainment, sports and more.

Peter joins a group of mean girls after his old crowd of friends "roast" him, but Lois points out they likely say negative things about him behind his back.

Peter brags that he could beat Liam Neeson in a fight, but when he gets the opportunity to prove himself he discovers he might be wrong.

Peter is surprised when Lois plans what he believes is an exciting couples' getaway in the Bahamas, but turns out to be a marriage counseling program.

Stewie is prescribed Adderall after being diagnosed with A.D.D., which Brian uses to write a 2,000-page pitch to author George R.R. Martin at a convention.

After viewing a television special on The History Channel, the boys begin to believe that extraterrestrials were involved in the original Thanksgiving feast.

When Kenny's parents are arrested and sent to jail, he and his siblings find themselves being forced to enter the foster care system.

When a catastrophe results from one of the boys forgetting to put the toilet seat down after relieving himself, a government agency is called in to fix things.

Cartman starts his own gem shopping channel and soon finds himself controlling a lucrative business that preys upon an extremely vulnerable clientele.

The human race finds itself in an unexpected situation when all of mankind begins evolving at an increasingly rapid and disturbing pace.

Stan decides to raise awareness about the national epidemic of bullying by shooting a big dance video; Butters becomes the victim of an unlikely bully.

The boys run into trouble in the Colorado Mountains and find themselves attempting to survive all alone in the wild while waiting for someone to rescue them.

When Cartman begins to experience romantic feelings for a new girl at school, he decides to make a gesture in order to keep anyone from getting between them.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman become involved in a crisis at South Park Elementary when excessive football concussions become a serious problem.