TV Guide Comedy Central Wednesday

Meg uses Peter's temporary role as school principal to get revenge on her bullies; Brian and Stewie's bed-and-breakfast becomes a brothel.

Chris cares for his girlfriend's twins after she is deported, but when the family learns she will be unable to return, they bring her children to her in Mexico.

Four elementary school students and their friends have wild misadventures, often acting as a voice of reason amid the crazy events that plague their town.

Cartman dresses up like a robot and moves in with Butters to learn all his secrets and use them against him; the Army believes Cartman is a secret weapon.

Cartman poses as a mentally-challenged athlete in hopes of winning $1,000 at the Special Olympics; Jimmy takes illegal steps to remain competitive.

Stan rushes to assemble a special dance squad to defend South Park's honor when a gang of kids from Orange County declares the town "got served."

The boys' new snow-shoveling business is threatened by unemployed time travelers from the year 4035, who have arrived in present-day Colorado.

Cartman and the boys have a new neighbor who really likes playing games with them, but they soon discover that his intentions may not be for the best.

Kyle and Cartman spar over their proposals when People for Ethical Treatment of Animals pressures South Park Elementary to drop the cow as its school mascot.

A secret from the gang's past comes back to haunt them when a former friend is released from a juvenile prison after taking the fall for their shenanigans.

Cartman and the boys get caught up in a ratings war when they organize a daily newscast for South Park Elementary's closed-circuit television station.

Randy gets in trouble as he pursues an opportunity for Tegridy in China; Stan starts a band to vent his frustration over having to move away from South Park.

Wendy is treated like an outcast when she refuses to embrace the promiscuous lifestyle popularized by Paris Hilton; the Stotches ponder Butters' future.

The South Park police force begs Cartman to solve its most stupefying cases after a blow to the head appears to give him paranormal abilities.

The townsfolk rally behind Cartman to safeguard the town of South Park from an onslaught of unwashed hippies attending a week-long, outdoor concert.

The boys decide to make a living by running a talent agency, but problems arise when they lose their one and only client to a competitor.

Kenny becomes the center of media attention after medical science threatens to prevent his soul from leading Heaven's defense against Satan's overwhelming army.

The boys are worried that their summer might be ruined so they aim to lose one game to get disqualified from the state championships.

Butters begins to fear he will be placed in a mental institution after telling people he talks to the ghost of the recently-deceased Eric Cartman.

Jimmy begins to seek advice from a number of sources when he fears that an unwanted arousal may hinder his performance in the upcoming talent show.

The boys fake Butters' death and reintroduce him to the girls as Marjorine so he can infiltrate a slumber party and learn about a fortune-telling device.

As Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al prepare to get married, Mrs. Garrison and other townspeople of South Park rally the Governor to outlaw gay marriage.

Several religious leaders recognize Stan as the second coming of Christ, and a whole soap opera unfolds with the help from a famous R&B sensation.

After encountering what appears to be a talking whale at a sea park, the boys decide that it is their duty to return the creature to its native habitat.

After traveling around the world, Chef returns to South Park, where Cartman and the boys discover his new secret and set out to change his ways.

The new hybrid automobiles begin causing smugness, in the form of a stormy dark mass over the town, to fall upon all the citizens of South Park.

Towelie writes a book that gets selected for Oprah's book club and helps a lot of people with their addictions, until one of Oprah's staff lets the truth out.

When a sudden cave-in traps the four boys underground, Cartman finds a buried treasure and attempts to find a way to keep it all for himself.

Realizing that her son is out of control due to a flagpole incident, Cartman's mother seeks expert help from Cesar Millan, "The Dog Whisperer".

The boys of South Park become extremely addicted to a video game and are called on by its creators to defeat a mad gamer, who plays by his own rules.

Eric Cartman reveals controversial facts about the true culprit behind the 9/11 attacks and uncovers one of the world's biggest conspiracies.

Cartman gets upset that unruly behavior is occurring around him, as the new hall monitor helps Kyle end his little brother's affair with a hot teacher.

A religious organization and the antics of the most notorious serial killers threaten to ruin Satan's much anticipated Halloween costume party.

Stan becomes the coach of a Pee Wee Hockey team and tries to turn them into winners; Stan's father relives the time when Stan was on a hockey team.

Cartman is diagnosed with an incurable illness while in the hospital, but his friends begin to wonder if he is considering drastic measures.

Stan and Kyle learn the truth regarding Britney Spears' popularity when the beleaguered pop star relocates into their sleepy little mountain town.

In a tribute to the 1981 science fiction film "Heavy Metal," the boys stage a plot to save Kenny from the latest drug mania that is sweeping the town.

When Canada decides to go on a long and painful strike, the boys must resolve the problem; Danish citizens migrate to the U.S. to replace the Canadians.

Mrs. Garrison takes a leave of absence from South Park Elementary to reclaim her missing manhood; Cartman mentors students at an inner city school.

Stan's dad packs up the family sedan and takes the whole Marsh family out West after the nation's access to the World Wide Web mysteriously vanishes.

Mr. Garrison takes the class on a field trip to a living museum based around life in the 1800s; Cartman makes Butters go to the amusement park next door.

As the rest of the town mourns an attack on a beloved icon, Cartman dreams about the Olympics and discovers a clandestine plan by the Chinese.

Wendy becomes so enraged at Cartman's continuous shenanigans during her class report that she decides to challenge him to a fight after school.

While the South Park citizens are partying in the streets, the newly elected President arrives at the White House early and throws everyone off-guard.

When a new fad comes to South Park Elementary, the boys refuse to succumb and jump on board until Butters becomes more popular than they are.

Lois becomes a postal worker to help pay for Stewie's private school; while working, she finds a letter that Peter wrote to a former lover.

Peter's family abandons him, causing him to get lost in the mall overnight; Brian tries to impress a girl by pretending to be a millionaire.

Chris unexpectedly becomes homecoming king; but when Meg learns that the cool kids are planning to prank him during the homecoming ceremony, they investigate.

When Brian falls in love with a tech support worker in India, he and Stewie go to India to find her; Peter becomes the center of attention at Joe's bingo night.

The rest of the town takes a cue from Mr. Garrison and decides to get in touch with their feminine side; Kyle hopelessly fails trying to play basketball.

Stan's father decides to visit a bleeding statue of the Virgin Mary, where he waits and hopes for a miraculous cure for his alcohol problem.

As a contestant on the show "Wheel of Fortune," Randy uses the "n" word, causing problems for the entire community; Cartman battles a little person.

Cartman turns foul language into an art form after he realizes he can freely state his crass opinions by pretending to suffer from Tourette syndrome.

Kenny tries to take his relationship to the next level by his girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert, where his dreams of having sex are squashed.

In the town of South Park, a lone vigilante named "The Coon" rises up and fights against crime; an unknown child attempts to clean up the streets.

When Randy creates a new plan that will fix everyone's financial problems, the town follows his advice and starts living an economic-free life.

An April Fools joke starts a trend that is picked up by the women of South Park, and Kyle, Stan and the rest of the boys try to put a stop to it.

When Cartman helps Jimmy come up with a new joke for his comedy routine, it becomes an instant hit and takes off on the late night talk shows.

While helping Stan build a car for the Boy Scout's Pinewood Derby race, Randy begins to obsess over the car's design and works deep into the night.